I read this blog post from my old blog. It's dated over a year ago, before I was pregnant with Katherine. If you have the time you should read it because it a small glimpse of a person that I miss. Ironically the same person that I miss happens to be the same one that encouraged my heart today. In a time where I am so not finding encouragement from others, or at least from those that I would expect, I was able to glimpse back to a different me and find encouragement through God's work in my life at that time.
I find it ironic that though there is little anyone else can say to me that brings me any comfort, and I desperately search for it, I really do, my own written word comforted me today. It comforted me not because it was eloquently written but because it reminded me of the very truth I found myself reading this morning in 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who
comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort
those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we
ourselves are comforted by God."
For the last 3 months when I find myself asking the question of "Why me? Why this?" the above verses have always popped into my mind. I would always shove them aside though because who would ever pray that God would allow us to suffer just so that we could comfort others going through similar trials. Honestly, who wants to believe in a God that allows his people to suffer just so that they can comfort others that are suffering?
It doesn't make a lot of sense but it's true. Sometimes when fellow believers suffer it isn't because they have sinned and God is punishing them, it's not always because God has some big cosmic lesson to teach. It could just be that God is seeking to comfort others through his people in ways that HE has comforted his own. Some people only come to know Christ in the midst of their suffering but if God's people have never suffered in the same ways that the rest of humanity suffers it would make it a whole lot easier for individuals to say to Christians "ha, what do you know about suffering?"
It seems to be that is through our suffering that Christ is both glorified, and that we are most used to spread that glory. While I find comfort in this thought it doesn't change the fact that I am hating this suffering that we are enduring right now. I hate it. I would much rather have my baby Katherine in my arms, my husband not struggling with depression, and my mind not feeling like it's going crazy, than to be sitting here typing all of this up right now. But this is where I find myself.
I once had someone say to me a long time ago that I would be able to comfort and spread hope far more than they would ever be able to because I had suffered more than they; I remember honestly responding with "but I don't want to have to suffer in order to do that."
I think of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane when he prayed
"My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from
Me; nevertheless, not as I will but as Thou
wilt."
Even Christ didn't want to have to suffer, but he was willing to for a bigger purpose, for the salvation of man kind. It's interesting how some
of the best work we will ever get to do in our lives requires the most
hardship to get to the finish product.
Another friend has often said that sometimes their is no good that comes out of the bad, that it's just bad, bad things just happen and there is no reason for it. I would differ with that good friend based on the verses in 2 Corinthians....sometimes the only reason why something bad happens is so that we can comfort others that have the same bad things that happen to them. True, God doesn't have to do it through his people. He didn't have to choose me to suffer this loss of a child in order to one day comfort someone else that has lost a child, but he did and I have to hope that one day when I reach heaven and ask God personally "Why did you take Katherine from us.." He will be able to shine a light behind me and see "....look at all the people I was able to comfort through your affliction ..." and maybe, just maybe, in that moment in the presence of my Savior I will be able to say "Wow....I get it now."
Summing up, the old me has helped comfort the new me....strange how that works.
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