no firsts but there is still hope.

As I enter into yet another month without my sweet Katherine and subsequently a new year without her. I was thinking this...
"There will be no first smiles, no first laughs, or giggles.
There will be no first tears, and no first tooth.
No first bath, no first christmas and no first new year, and no first birthday on earth here for you.
 There will be no first words, and no first steps. No first school trip, and no first tests.
There will be no first boyfriends, and no first kisses, no first dances, no first dresses."

Honestly there are probably way too many firsts than I could possibly list. But as I was feeling hopeless and dark thinking about these things I looked up and I was greeted to the sight of 20 red robins all sitting on our tree. "Odd time of year for robins to be appearing" , I decided to look for a greater blessing in this moment than just birds sitting outside my window and I decided to see if robins had any spiritual symbolic meaning. Now I'm not one that thinks every little thing that "happens" in life is a sign from God but I couldn't help but feel the spirit leading me to look this one up....what I found was that robins often symbolize "new beginnings, hope, joy, a future."

As I am sure these robins are probably just migrating to a warmer place for the winter I still can't help but see this as a gentle prodding that someday things are not going to feel this dark, this dreadful, that someday though the hurt will always be here, there will also be healing, there is hope and peace to be found in the midst of the darkness and the chaos.