Biopsy Results and 3months

Well the biopsy results came back a lot sooner. It is not cancerous, just a very weird bruise. I know that my husband is very thankful for this. I, however, sort of feel like, "it was just a bruise and now I have an even bigger one. for no reason." lol Oh the irony.

Today marks Katherine's would be 3 month old mark. 3months my baby's body has been lying in a grave and 3 months where my arms have ached for her. not sure that longing will ever go away.

In 3months so much has changed and yet hasn't changed at all. I am a different person than I was 3months ago. I won't lie...I cuss more than I used to, not really proud of it but at the same time don't really feel bad about it either. I drink a glass of wine on occasion, as it seems to be one of the only things that relieves the tension i feel in my body from all the emotional stress, and I'm trying to get a job. Which I am finding is difficult to do when you are 31yrs old and haven't worked in 5 years. Companies will hire a teenager with no work experience at all but they won't hire a mother that has stayed at home for five years putting her sweat, blood, and tears into her family.  Seems a little backwards to me.

Today is Halloween. We planned on having a little bumble bee this year for Halloween. We don't, and we won't and that makes us very very sad. Neither Carl and I want to go trick or treating but we one of us will for our other two kids sake. It's always so hard to find the balance between wanting to mourn, just allowing ourselves not to celebrate because we don't want to, and also not wanting our other kiddos to feel like the dead baby consumes their lives and keeps them from having any fun.

Other than bringing our little bumble bee back to life what would make me happy is if you helped spread the word about our Molly Bear fundraiser. I wish they didn't make a minimum of 450 being raised in order to get your bear and 9 other bears home sooner but they do. It's just the rewards program that they have set up to offer and to help them raise money. Please spread the word about it and my link as I won't get the credit if the donation isn't made through that link. All the donations go directly to the Molly Bear organization. In other words I don't get the money and then send it to them they get it directly still. It's just the way that they set up their rewards program. So would you help a grieving momma out and share the link, spread the word, or donate 5, 10, 15 or even 20 and maybe we can bring mine and 9 other bears home sooner.

Thanks for all your love and support friends.

Bring home my Molly Bear sooner